“In the darkest days of World War II, psychiatrist Viktor Frankl endured unimaginable hardships in a Nazi concentration camp. Yet, he emerged with profound insights into the human capacity for perseverance and meaning (Frankl, 1959). This ability to maintain hope and find purpose in the face of extreme adversity is what we call resilience.”
Setbacks happen to everyone, whether in personal or professional life. Your ability to deal with them and bounce back can make the difference between success and failure. Research by the American Psychological Association (APA) defines resilience as the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress (APA, 2012).
Some people are fortunate enough to experience challenges early in life, allowing them to develop resilience at a young age. Others, like myself, face major setbacks later in life and may find themselves unprepared for the mental turbulence that follows. Historical figures exemplify resilience on an extraordinary scale. Nelson Mandela, imprisoned for 27 years under apartheid, emerged without bitterness and led South Africa toward reconciliation and democracy (Mandela, 1995). Similarly, Oprah Winfrey overcame childhood abuse and poverty to become one of the most influential media figures in the world (Illouz, 2003).
My Personal Downfall and Understanding Resilience
For me, it was in my mid-thirties when my world turned upside down. Until then, I was always at the top of my game: excelling in school without much effort, being part of top sports teams, succeeding in my career at investment banks, enjoying a thriving social life, and owning a seven-figure property. Then everything changed. Within a single month, I was fired from my job due to internal politics, betrayed by my best friend who tried to defraud me, dealing with problematic building contractors, mourning the loss of my dog, witnessing my aunt’s death from MS, losing my support system, and facing marital issues that led to marriage counselling.
I was unprepared for such a series of setbacks. I spiralled into depression, convinced something was wrong with me. I took everything personally, felt embarrassed, and my thoughts became increasingly negative and destructive. Psychological research shows that when individuals experience sudden and cumulative stressors, they are at higher risk for mental health issues, including depression and anxiety (Bonanno, 2004). Yet, these same studies indicate that resilience can be learned and strengthened through targeted strategies.
Foundations of Resilience: Mind, Body, and Spirit
The key to developing resilience involves caring for your mind, body, and spirit. Religious and spiritual traditions have advocated for holistic well-being for thousands of years—practices that many modern approaches now echo. Research in positive psychology supports the idea that fostering a sense of purpose, cultivating optimism, and maintaining supportive relationships can significantly enhance one’s resilience (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000).
I believe that the following practices should be part of your life regardless of whether you’re experiencing setbacks. By incorporating them regularly, you develop a level of resilience so that when setbacks naturally happen, you are better able to deal with them. I adopted these practices after my setback, and while it was challenging to pick myself up, they are now part of my daily routine, and I live a much happier life for it. I wouldn’t live my life any other way.
Being Flexible
Flexibility provides the tools to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs. Plans rarely go exactly as intended, especially over long timescales. Flexibility is paramount to resilience because it allows for adaptation when things deviate from the plan. Studies in organisational behaviour highlight that adaptive thinking leads to better problem-solving and improved stress management in workplaces undergoing rapid change (Weick & Sutcliffe, 2007).When you have a desired outcome, the outcome should remain fixed, but the route to get there must be flexible. This mindset helps you cope with setbacks as they arise, preventing you from being overwhelmed and overly stressed, which can shut down cognitive functions and impair clear thinking. A flexible mindset enhances problem-solving, emotional regulation, and stress management, allowing for resourcefulness and quicker recovery to a state of equilibrium.
Detaching
The ability to step back from situations, emotions, and outcomes is core to philosophies like Buddhism, Jainism, Taoism, and yogic traditions (Feuerstein, 2001). Detachment fosters internal peace, resilience, and can be developed through regular meditation practice (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). By not assigning emotional weight to the outcome of a particular situation, you can manage your emotions better, reducing the risk of emotional responses to setbacks. This improves decision-making, reduces stress and anxiety, and lowers the risk of burnout. Practicing detachment builds inner strength, confidence, and self-reliance, enabling you to handle whatever comes your way (Baer, 2003).
Not Taking Things Personally
When you don’t take things personally, you are less likely to react emotionally to situations or criticism. This emotional stability allows for clearer thinking and better decision-making. It also reduces conflicts and improves relationships, which are essential for effective business conduct. Understanding that outside opinions do not define your worth enhances your inner strength and adaptability. Historical figures like Abraham Lincoln faced relentless criticism and personal attacks but remained focused on the broader goal—preserving the Union—exemplifying emotional resilience (Goodwin, 2005). Living in the moment and not taking things personally aligns with mindfulness practices, helping you stay present without judgment, and accept that some things are out of your control.
Having a Positive Mindset
Believing that things will work out and maintaining a positive attitude is crucial. Viewing setbacks as temporary and surmountable reduces feelings of helplessness and despair. By staying positive, you improve problem-solving abilities and are more likely to persevere through adversity (Carver & Scheier, 2014). This enhances motivation, mental-health, and the ability to envision a hopeful future. When faced with overwhelming challenges, remembering that everything is temporary and that “this too shall pass” can help you keep faith and continue working towards recovery and positivity.
Regulating Your Nervous System
The autonomic nervous system, which includes the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) systems, connects the body and mind. Prolonged stress triggers the sympathetic nervous system, releasing cortisol and potentially damaging the prefrontal cortex, which is vital for decision-making and emotional regulation (McEwen & Sapolsky, 1995). Yet, studies show that breathing exercises, mindfulness, physical activity, adequate sleep, and a balanced diet can help recalibrate the nervous system (Kemeny, 2003). Simple techniques like box breathing or making your exhale longer than your inhale activate the parasympathetic nervous system, restoring calm and composure.
One effective technique for immediate stress relief is box breathing: Close your eyes, breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four, and repeat, gradually increasing the counts as comfortable. Another technique is making your exhale longer than your inhale. Both methods activate the parasympathetic nervous system, calming you.
Conclusion
Developing resilience is essential for navigating life’s challenges. The practices mentioned—being flexible, detaching, not taking things personally, maintaining a positive mindset, and regulating your nervous system—are crucial tools for building resilience. Incorporating these practices into your daily life will prepare you to handle setbacks more effectively. If you need help developing resilience or find yourself struggling, reach out to me via my website for a free, no-obligation conversation.
Disclaimer:
I am not a medical or mental health professional. The information provided in this blog is based on personal experiences and research. It is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. If you are experiencing significant challenges or mental health issues, please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare professional or therapist.
References:
- American Psychological Association (APA). (2012). Building Your Resilience. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
- Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness Training as a Clinical Intervention: A Conceptual and Empirical Review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 125–143.
- Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience: Have We Underestimated the Human Capacity to Thrive After Extremely Aversive Events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.
- Carver, C. S., & Scheier, M. F. (2014). Dispositional Optimism. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 18(6), 293–299.
- Feuerstein, G. (2001). The Yoga Tradition: Its History, Literature, Philosophy and Practice. Hohm Press.
- Frankl, V. E. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
- Goodwin, D. K. (2005). Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. Simon & Schuster.
- Illouz, E. (2003). Oprah Winfrey and the Glamour of Misery: An Essay on Popular Culture. Columbia University Press.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delacorte.
- Kemeny, M. E. (2003). The Psychobiology of Stress. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 12(4), 124–129.
- Mandela, N. (1995). Long Walk to Freedom. Little, Brown and Company.
- McEwen, B. S., & Sapolsky, R. M. (1995). Stress and Cognitive Function. Current Opinion in Neurobiology, 5(2), 205–216.
- Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive Psychology: An Introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5–14.
- Weick, K. E., & Sutcliffe, K. M. (2007). Managing the Unexpected: Resilient Performance in an Age of Uncertainty. Jossey-Bass.
